Ari Gold Quotes

(Ari is about to leave his kid’s birthday party for business)
Mrs. Ari: Where are you going?
Ari: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant. Where do you think I’m going?

Ari: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How’d you know that?
Ari: ‘Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta to fire her so you don’t feel weird.
Eric: No. Don’t fire her.
Ari: All right. Well, I’ll just sexually harass her until she quits.

(talking about Josh Weinstein)
Ari: I fired him for stealing pens. Why do I care about Josh?
Emily: Well, now he’s an agent at Triad. And he’s the one who gave the boys Queens Boulevard.
Ari Gold: That’s why no more guys! You fire a guy you create a rival. You fire a woman you create a housewife.

Ari (doesn’t want Vince to do Queens Blvd): You know what they feed people on an indie set, Vinne? Nothing! They don’t give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?

(E wants to take up the managing business)
Ari: So you come to me for advice. I’m gonna fucking cry. All right, here’s what you do. You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn’t need me that much.
Ari: Of course he doesn’t need you. You’re fucking worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That’s not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari: The point is that he is an insecure fuck, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn’t trust anyone in this world but you. You’ve been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.

Ari: You wanna hug it out? Let’s hug it out bitch.

Ari: Is that the way they drive in Tiananmen Square, bitch?